embracing change and crying

coming to you from my notes app

tuesday, january 16, 2024

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it’s 6:27 pm, and the C train just passed by my old station, kingston-throop. it felt weird to not board the train there. i’m currently on the way to a book launch party, then i’m spending the rest of my evening at a bar in east village playing chess.*

*spoiler alert: i didn’t end up playing chess because the event was packed. instead, i got groceries during my first shopping trip to wegmans and hung out with my friend at a bar.

today was filled with tears, but this entire month has been. i’ll save my literal sob stories, but the tears haven’t all been bad. as a pisces, i love crying. there’s no better way for me to express my emotions. whether my thoughts are filled with frustration, sadness, anger, stress, or happiness, i feel the need to be in tears. 

some of the tears are rooted in my recent move, but i’m really happy about the things i’m looking forward to about my new environment. i’m still in the same neighborhood, so it’s nice that things feel familiar but with the excitement for more. 

i don’t drink alcohol that often, so i’m hoping to become a regular at a cafe instead of a bar. i have a new walking path to the train, so my commutes have slightly changed. i have a new room and no idea how i’d like to decorate. i unintentionally started watching decluttering videos on youtube while i was unboxing my clothes, and they actually helped!

i’m looking forward to redecorating, spending time with my new roommates, and having a nice spot for hosting. i’m excited to celebrate my first year in new york next month. i have an office now, which has already proved to be better for my productivity. and it’s been a highlight of my day to watch the snow fall (from the comfort of my warm, cozy bed).

the bodega downstairs from me is different. it doesn’t stay open late, and they don’t have the ice cream sandwiches that i love to buy in the summer. and the smoke shop that i regularly buy weed at is further away, which means that the cat at that smoke shop isn’t as close anymore. that is a problem! but the good trade off is that there’s a handful of bodegas near me with good vegan options.

i know that i’ll never have the same cinematic way of describing a bacon egg and cheese like margot robbie in birds of prey, but i could go on and on about the convenience of being a walk away from a vegan breakfast sandwich. 

it’s been an emotionally and mentally draining week, so i’m resting this weekend and enjoying some of my hobbies. here’s to more crying in january!